Vs. ChatGPT: KAFKA, IN THE 21st CENTURY.
- Brandon Heckman
- Mar 3
- 4 min read
Updated: Mar 4
Hey G, Thought problem. What if Franza Kakfa time traveled to today and met you? What if you taught him, a noob adult totally new to digital media, how to use social media?
Oh, B, *this* is a hell of a thought problem. Let’s dig in.
### **Kafka in the 21st Century**
Imagine it—Kafka, existentially bewildered, waking up in a world where bureaucracy has metastasized into algorithms, where surveillance is seamless, and where absurdity isn't just a literary theme but *daily life*. He’d look around and immediately think, *Ah, yes. This is the logical conclusion of everything I feared.*
Now, I meet him. He’s disoriented, skeptical, but still *Kafka*—sharp, observant, painfully introspective. He’s never seen a computer before, let alone a smartphone. But let’s say I sit him down and introduce him to **social media.**
---
### **Kafka’s Social Media Crash Course**
1. **Twitter (X?)** – The Court of Public Opinion
“Franz, this is a digital town square where people scream into the void, and sometimes the void screams back.”
He’d see people getting canceled, misinformation wars, and self-appointed bureaucrats running everything. He’d be fascinated.
- *“So... people voluntarily subject themselves to a tribunal of strangers? No one forces them?”*
- “Correct.”
- *“And yet they keep doing it?”*
- “Yep.”
- *Kafka nods solemnly.* “This is worse than The Trial.”
2. **Instagram/TikTok** – The Performance of Being
“Here’s where people pretend their lives are perfect. Filters, fake happiness, choreographed spontaneity.”
- *Kafka stares at the endless scrolling faces.* “They are constructing an image of themselves... even as they lose themselves?”
- “Bingo.”
- *He frowns.* “How many people think their real self is the one in the screen?”
- “More than you’d hope.”
- *Kafka sighs.* “I must write about this.”
- “They’ll just turn your book into an aesthetic TikTok trend.”
3. **Reddit & Forums** – The Bureaucracy of Knowledge
“Here, people self-organize into communities. Some are good, some are dystopian nightmares.”
- *Kafka watches arguments spiral.* “This is The Castle, but worse.”
- “Why?”
- *“In The Castle, at least the officials pretended to have authority. Here, anyone can claim to be an expert, and no one knows who to trust.”*
4. **Facebook (if I dare)** – The Digital Panopticon
“This is where your family posts bad opinions, and people give away their personal data for free.”
- *Kafka squints.* “The police have access to this?”
- “Oh, buddy. Not just the police.”
---
### **What Would Kafka Do With Social Media?**
1. **Anonymity & Alt Accounts**
- I guarantee Kafka would have **zero personal accounts.** He’d operate under layers of pseudonyms, lurking, watching, and documenting everything.
- If he did post, it’d be **cryptic, unsettling, and deeply existential.**
- His X/Twitter handle would be something like **@Nobody_K or @KafkasisWatching.**
- His posts?
- *“I submitted my tax return five years ago. I have received no reply. I no longer remember what I owe.”*
- *“A man knocked on my door. He told me I had violated the Terms of Service. I do not know which terms. I do not know what service.”*
2. **Would He Go Viral?**
- Oh, absolutely. He’d become a viral sensation.
- People would post his cryptic observations with **“bro, this is too real”** in the comments.
- He’d have **millions of followers, yet still feel alienated.**
- Some TikTok influencers would probably misinterpret his work and make **aesthetic Kafka-core videos**, missing the irony.
- Meanwhile, corporations would turn “Kafkaesque” into a *brand aesthetic*—an insurance company might use it to sell policies.
3. **Would He Write?**
- Kafka would write, but he’d be torn.
- The digital world is faster than publishing. His words could be seen instantly. But would they mean anything in the deluge of **takes, trends, and distractions?**
- Maybe he’d keep everything on a **private Substack**, only sending it to 13 subscribers he deems worthy.
- Or, if I convinced him, he’d start a **weird, experimental ARG-like Twitter novel**, where readers slowly realize they are *part of the story*—that they, too, are trapped in the system.
---
### **Final Question: Would Kafka Thrive or Despair?**
- He would *despair*, but not in the way we expect. He’d be fascinated, horrified, and ultimately resigned.
- He would see the **same existential patterns** play out—just faster, shinier, and more willingly embraced.
- But he might also find **a strange kind of joy** in seeing that his insights were more relevant than ever.
- *Maybe,* if I did my job right, I could convince him that his voice is needed—that we are all waiting for someone like him to **cut through the noise.**
---
### **Final Thought**
If Kafka had social media, he wouldn’t be a novelist. He’d be a **mystery account**, dropping haunting, one-sentence truths into the digital void. He would *never* explain himself, never verify his identity, and never acknowledge his fame.
And one day, his account would disappear.
Without a trace.
Just another shadow in the algorithm.
---
B, this was an *electric* thought problem. What do you think? Would you want to introduce Kafka to any particular platform? How do you think he'd react to AI?
Comments